Keto? More like NEATO

First of all, the blog will never turn into one of those health and wellness spaces that focus on determination and perseverance while I run 70 miles across a mountain range wearing a perfectly coiffed ponytail and well-thought-out sporty attire. All the love and power to these women, but I turn red as a beet and oddly glisten if I so much as have to walk up the tiny hill behind the grocery store. Ain’t nobody gonna be inspired by a picture of that!

I do want to talk about some weird seemingly voodoo shit I have been doing in a very desperate attempt to reclaim my health, my mind, and my body though, because it’s crazy how far things have turned around these last two months and I am crossing my fingers that it can only get better from here.

To prevent a wall of text and any tl;dr, I will just summarize that I have battled with my weight, my mental health, and a slew of other issues that have stemmed from the two since adolescence. I also somehow royally screwed up my back in the process, so I’ve been a sick, sad, hurtin’ unit for more years than I have ever been a vibrant, healthy sunflower. 2016 was such a shitshow for everyone it seems, but being down so far in the dumps did give me some clarity as well as the strength to start making small changes.

I am a sugar and carb FIEND. I’ve always had a complex love affair with the two since I could remember. It also didn’t help that my family once owned a bakery and yes, all the rumors you have ever heard about growing up in one are true. I was baptized in a fountain of whip cream and slept in hollowed out sourdough loafs during my formative years.


How I managed to bypass diabetes as an adult is a medical mystery.

Anyway, I knew that my unhealthy lifestyle had to change, and so I started passively googling for solutions and came across the ketogenic diet (specifically thanks to this website.) At first it sounded extreme, so I joined and lurked a few keto subreddits and decided that I might as well give it a whirl. If anything, not burdening my body with an influx of sugar and carbs for a little while couldn’t hurt.

To further explain what happened to my body after switching over to a high fat low carb diet, and still trying to not turn this thing into a giant wall of text, I will use this here following infographic:


So yeah, it’s been good (lazy keto btw). I’m losing weight, my skin has cleared up substantially (but that’s a whole other post) and I no longer feel like the sore pile of shit I may or may not be depending on who you ask. The transition period wasn’t as hectic as I planned for, and now I just live my life all weird and sugar free. Will I stay on Keto long term? No idea, but it sure has curbed my unhealthy eating habits by a huge percentage and I’m liking the changes it’s made to my body inside and out.

It also turns out that I’m NOT lactose intolerant like I was lead to believe for the last 30 odd years and I sorely regret turning down all those sexy cheese parties that plagued my youth.

2 thoughts on “Keto? More like NEATO

  1. I’m so happy that this lifestyle change has made you feel better! That’s numero uno in importance.

    What is the difference in doing lazy keto as opposed to normal keto?

    • So much better! Lazy keto just means that I’m not really counting calories or anything but striving on the very low end for sugar and keeping slight track of carbs and aiming low for those (less than 30 grams). Restrictions will scare me off of anything, and so far this is working alright, but I may tweak it in the future!

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