Maybe She’s Born With It, But Probably Not…

If I come close to having any sort of addiction, it’s definitely for cosmetics. I LOVE makeup! I love skincare, and I love all the gimmicky products that fall in between. I often placate myself after looking at my literal HOARD of beauty supplies by checking out other women’s massive accumulations and quietly telling myself that it’s gonna be okay because at least I can count my eye shadow palettes on my fingers, and there’s only two mascaras in my rotation currently.


The good ol’ battle station.  Apartment living = cram as much as possible into a corner.

I never used to be like this. In fact, I was the opposite and grew up a pseudo tomboy painfully lacking in any sort of self awareness especially when it came to my outward physical appearance. I liked earth tones, cargo pants, and deliberately ignoring my rampaging acne. Eyeliner and curling your bangs were like some sort of weird genetics that skipped me and despite hearing the names I was called in the hallway and bearing the brunt of many jokes, I just didn’t know what the hell to do with myself, let alone where to start.

When I finally DID purchase and apply some makeup, I thought blue eye shadow and silver mascara could be a thing. I mean, it WAS the early 00’s, but oh my god. I often wonder why my peers didn’t call me out on that disaster, but then I remember that most of them were busy lining their upper lids with metallic GEL PENS so I forgive, but I will never forget.


It was a long, dusty road of learning for me. A very, VERY long road. A road filled with over-plucked eyebrows, lipstick stained teeth, not realizing I had a mustache for 15 years, and thinking that oily skin meant no moisturizer, ever.

Which now brings us to today and in many ways I am still that lost little girl committing atrocious beauty sins, but that’s OK because sometimes sinning is fun and I’m pretty comfortable in my skin now.

So, what if I told you that I willingly smothered my face with snail secretions on a daily basis? What if I told you that it has basically changed my life? What if I told you that I have a whole insane ritual devoted to the worship of snails that includes an altar and small, snail sized ceremonial robes I lovingly handcrafted from felt?


Snurch (snail church) is a real thing! Via: The Petulant Cephalopod

Okay, if anything the last part is a metaphor. Wait! IS it a metaphor? Did I forget what a metaphor is? Why does this blog post contain so many questions? But honestly you guys, SNAILS. PUT SNAILS ON YOUR FACE.

Most Canadians are probably thinking that I am gross as heck right now, while the Koreans are totally nodding their heads in agreement. I’m actually pretty late to the snail hoopla and the wonders of Korean beauty in general – but I gotta preach it. Their ingredients are seemingly unconventional, and their beauty regimens are definitely very regime-like in structure, but it works, and my epidermis has never been happier. When my standard higher end drugstore products closed a door, snails opened a window for me and let the sunshine in – but not before liberally coating me in the appropriate SPF.

I’m not gonna delve into talking about any specific products in this post, but if you’d like some recommendations or the best shops overseas to purchase k-beauty, feel free to message me. If you interact with me in real life, I probably have x number of products on me at any given time plus samples up the wazoo and I love to share. Just promise me you’ll patch test first. Your mileage may vary, after all.

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