Jeder hatte passenden Handtücher


So, it’s Father’s day! Here is an old picture from the summer of ’93 of good ol’ Dad shucking a lobster for me while my cousin barfs into her hand and my aunt nonchalantly ignores it. I’ve been meaning to get an updated picture of the two of us, but we’ve been busy these last 24 years I guess. Plus every time we’ve tried to take a picture as a family, this happens:


Many of you in my circle of friends grew up hearing my ol’ tales of Dad. Those of you I was especially fond of got to meet him in person – usually at the bakery and he probably stuffed you full of butter-buns or danish. Some of you that I dated got to know his unholy wrath first hand and you betcha we still talk about you and laugh at the dinner table, you little shit(s).

It’s so hard to write about him because there is so much content and once I start writing about one thing, I have to write about another and then BAM! It’s 3AM and my eyes burn violently. So I’ll shorten the hell out of it and leave this:

7 Things I Inherited From My Dad:

  1. My large nose, crazy hair, and renegade teen acne.
  2. My storytelling, humor, and shock value.
  3. The love of niche hobbies and an obscure database of knowledge.
  4. The good ol’ days of Rock and/or Roll.
  5. How to properly punch somebody (That proved useful and victorious for my one and only fight – I’m a pacifist I swear!)
  6. The love of trying something new and evolving as a person.

I feel kinda bad about writing this all up because I never made a special post for my Mom on Mother’s day. Also, the only picture I have of her immediately on-hand is one of her wearing a Martha’s Vineyard t-shirt tucked into high wasted jeans and she’s smoking next to a frozen above-ground pool full of Bud Light, so I think she’d be more pissed if I actually posted that for all the world to see rather than my neglecting to write about her.

Today is also my 9th anniversary with this guy:


So thanks for putting up with me these last 3285 days, Kellan! I’ll save the mushy stuff for our big 1-0. I also really need to hire a photographer for more flattering pictures to stick in here it seems.

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