10 Factoids about Algoids

Jenn did one of these on her blog a while ago and IMITATION IS THE HIGHEST FORM OF FLATTERY! My phone keeps auto-correcting imitation to immigration so I guess that’s true too?

1.) I have visual snow and can’t see in the dark very well because of it. Picture seeing an image through an overlay of TV static and that’s how I view the world. I didn’t even know that this was a unique thing until well into my twenties. I don’t think it’s really hindered me in any way other than “night blindness” though!

2.) I never graduated high school. Those years were tough on me and with the exception of one teacher who really pushed my creativity (and let me basically live in the media room) I was considered a lost cause and to quote a particular guidance counselor “a headcase” (YOU’RE BAD AT YOUR JOB). This didn’t stop me from graduating college a few years later with a goddamn gold sash of excellence though!

3.) I’m terrified of monkeys. I can handle snakes and spiders but holy shit, I swear to god that primates are literally demons in the flesh.

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THINGS… LIKE YOUR SOUL!

4.) I’m an admittedly shitty cook and can’t even bake a frozen Pillsbury cookie which is a dang shame considering my pedigree lineage of artisan bakers.

5.) My favorite food is any and all seafood except muscles which for whatever reason cause me severe intestinal distress. Every few years I like to make a spectacle of myself by seeing if I still get sick from them and then being banned from Applebee’s for destroying their restroom facilities.

6.) My favorite color is either green or orange. Today it’s orange.

7.) I think that anyone who can french braid their own hair is a witch.

8.) I suspect that my twilight years in life will be spent as either a bag lady or an old spinster bogged down by the weight of 27 cats. I am surprisingly okay with both.

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A glimpse of the not so distant future… I dig that knitted throw blanket.

9.) Kellan and I celebrated our 9th anniversary this year thanks to old Hungarian witchcraft. We still have no plans for marriage, babies, or responsibility. Every year during the strawberry moon I feed him a sacred noodle dish containing my hair and some other magical herbs. This placates him into enduring another trip around the sun with me. Yay!

10.) I like birds, a lot. When I die, all my money and worldly possessions is willed to go to the Alberta Birds of Prey Center in Coaldale. What owls are going to do with heirloom tea cups and an ottoman is anyone’s guess but whatever, I’ll be dead!

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Little barn owl homie helping my greasy head pick out a cool bird t-shirt a few years back.

You remember that old Plymouth we just couldn’t fix?

I am a volcano. I keep the pressure of molten rock under my surface until a seismic event of various magnitudes causes it to rupture forth in a wave of heat and ash. My temper can blot out the sun. It can turn summer into winter, yadda yadda yadda. Metamorphic er, metaphorically speaking?

Jules Tavernier Tutt'Art@

That’s one trait that I wish I didn’t have. I wish I was one of those people who could utilize healthy outlets for all the shit life hands them instead of bottling it up and causing many Pompeii-esque catastrophes in both my personal and professional lives. Time is of the essence in these situations and most of the time I can physically remove myself from the stressor, but in cases where I cannot… BLAMO!

When I took an introductory psychology course in university, I remember that one of the modules made mention of a book called WHY ZEBRAS DON’T GET ULCERS. It touches on the body’s fight or flight responses as well as explaining the differences between how certain species respond to high stress environments and how we humans have the wonderful added cognitive power to PERCEIVE AND WORRY RELENTLESSLY ABOUT EVERYTHING until we make ourselves sick and die.

You’d think it would be the other way around. Us, so high on the food chain vs them, our herbivorous prey. I never thought I’d be jealous of a grazing land mammal, but I really am!

I often wonder why I handle things so poorly compared to others I know. I also stress out over really dumb things. I remember when I was 7 I tearfully confided to my uncle after watching The Simpson’s episode about Homer having a heart attack that I was pretty sure that my heart was also gonna explode right outta me because I was having those good ol’ benign childhood growing pains. A 7 year old otherwise healthy girl should not even have organ malfunction on her radar. At least NOW as an adult my anxieties and worrisome thoughts make a bit more sense and are way more valid.

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I think my next tattoo is gonna be an elaborate cursive piece that says “Don’t sweat the small stuff”. I’m also gonna situate it on my ass, which isn’t small by any means, but is certainly sweaty. I think everyone should have at least one funny tattoo on their posterior to brighten the day of the medical personnel or morticians that will one day be privy to view it.